diff --git a/apps/server/src/database/migrations/20260423T124902-fix-parallel-safe-cell-extractors.ts b/apps/server/src/database/migrations/20260423T124902-fix-parallel-safe-cell-extractors.ts
new file mode 100644
index 00000000..508903f7
--- /dev/null
+++ b/apps/server/src/database/migrations/20260423T124902-fix-parallel-safe-cell-extractors.ts
@@ -0,0 +1,116 @@
+import { type Kysely, sql } from 'kysely';
+
+export async function up(db: Kysely<any>): Promise<void> {
+  // These functions previously used plpgsql + EXCEPTION blocks to catch bad
+  // casts. EXCEPTION blocks require subtransactions, which Postgres cannot
+  // use in parallel workers. The functions were marked PARALLEL SAFE but
+  // aren't actually parallel-safe. DuckDB's postgres extension triggers
+  // parallel COPY scans and fails on any row that invokes these.
+  //
+  // Rewrite each as a pure SQL function using jsonb_typeof + regex
+  // validation to achieve the same "coerce-or-null" semantics without
+  // plpgsql. SQL functions with no volatile side effects are genuinely
+  // parallel-safe.
+
+  await sql`
+    CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION base_cell_numeric(cells jsonb, prop uuid)
+    RETURNS numeric
+    LANGUAGE sql IMMUTABLE STRICT PARALLEL SAFE
+    AS $$
+      SELECT CASE jsonb_typeof(cells -> prop::text)
+        WHEN 'number' THEN (cells->>prop::text)::numeric
+        WHEN 'string' THEN
+          CASE WHEN (cells->>prop::text) ~ '^\\s*-?\\d+(\\.\\d+)?([eE][+-]?\\d+)?\\s*$'
+               THEN (cells->>prop::text)::numeric
+               ELSE NULL END
+        ELSE NULL
+      END
+    $$
+  `.execute(db);
+
+  await sql`
+    CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION base_cell_timestamptz(cells jsonb, prop uuid)
+    RETURNS timestamptz
+    LANGUAGE sql IMMUTABLE STRICT PARALLEL SAFE
+    AS $$
+      SELECT CASE
+        WHEN jsonb_typeof(cells -> prop::text) = 'string'
+             AND (cells->>prop::text) ~ '^\\d{4}-\\d{2}-\\d{2}([ T]\\d{2}:\\d{2}(:\\d{2}(\\.\\d+)?)?([+-]\\d{2}(:?\\d{2})?|Z)?)?$'
+        THEN (cells->>prop::text)::timestamptz
+        ELSE NULL
+      END
+    $$
+  `.execute(db);
+
+  await sql`
+    CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION base_cell_bool(cells jsonb, prop uuid)
+    RETURNS boolean
+    LANGUAGE sql IMMUTABLE STRICT PARALLEL SAFE
+    AS $$
+      SELECT CASE jsonb_typeof(cells -> prop::text)
+        WHEN 'boolean' THEN (cells->>prop::text)::boolean
+        WHEN 'string' THEN
+          CASE lower(cells->>prop::text)
+            WHEN 'true'  THEN true
+            WHEN 't'     THEN true
+            WHEN 'yes'   THEN true
+            WHEN 'y'     THEN true
+            WHEN '1'     THEN true
+            WHEN 'false' THEN false
+            WHEN 'f'     THEN false
+            WHEN 'no'    THEN false
+            WHEN 'n'     THEN false
+            WHEN '0'     THEN false
+            ELSE NULL
+          END
+        ELSE NULL
+      END
+    $$
+  `.execute(db);
+}
+
+export async function down(db: Kysely<any>): Promise<void> {
+  // Restore the previous plpgsql + EXCEPTION versions. Same PARALLEL SAFE
+  // labels — they were broken before, they'll still be broken after rollback,
+  // but rollback means you're going back to the prior bug not inventing a
+  // new one.
+
+  await sql`
+    CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION base_cell_numeric(cells jsonb, prop uuid)
+    RETURNS numeric
+    LANGUAGE plpgsql IMMUTABLE STRICT PARALLEL SAFE
+    AS $$
+      BEGIN
+        RETURN (cells->>prop::text)::numeric;
+      EXCEPTION WHEN others THEN
+        RETURN NULL;
+      END;
+    $$
+  `.execute(db);
+
+  await sql`
+    CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION base_cell_timestamptz(cells jsonb, prop uuid)
+    RETURNS timestamptz
+    LANGUAGE plpgsql IMMUTABLE STRICT PARALLEL SAFE
+    AS $$
+      BEGIN
+        RETURN (cells->>prop::text)::timestamptz;
+      EXCEPTION WHEN others THEN
+        RETURN NULL;
+      END;
+    $$
+  `.execute(db);
+
+  await sql`
+    CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION base_cell_bool(cells jsonb, prop uuid)
+    RETURNS boolean
+    LANGUAGE plpgsql IMMUTABLE STRICT PARALLEL SAFE
+    AS $$
+      BEGIN
+        RETURN (cells->>prop::text)::boolean;
+      EXCEPTION WHEN others THEN
+        RETURN NULL;
+      END;
+    $$
+  `.execute(db);
+}